Bye Bye Pump, Hello Freedom!

I washed out my pump for the last time (well at least for a couple years) and put it in the hall closet. This pump has symbolized so many things over the past year. First, I despised the pump. It symbolized me having to go back to work, being away from my baby and being hooked up to a machine in order to feed my baby the way I wanted to feed him. I glared at the pump as I cleaned it each night and packed it up every morning. I shoved the plug into my surge protector at work and hunched over my desk with a frown as I listened to the pump chug along. Initially the noise from the pump irritated me and sounded so repetitively like “Come back soon, come back soon.” And I clenched my teeth with hate because I didn’t want to come back soon, I hated coming back. Every time I looked at the pump, I thought of my separation from my baby, my guilt that I was feeding him from the bottle instead of directly at the breast (which was really guilt that there was a nanny instead of me being with him), and the thought of the endless days ahead that this separation would continue, just as I would continue to see and use that damn pump every day.

Over the months I adjusted and I stopped hating the pump. I started looking forward to my two forced breaks a day. I never took breaks before I had to pump, at least not scheduled planned breaks where I just took 10 minutes to myself and just read for pleasure. Yes, I was still hooked up to the annoying machine, but I had some me-ish time. That was kind of nice. I am definitely a person of habit, so I pumped at specific times and as those times drew closer, I would look forward to tidying up my desk, getting out the pump supplies, setting everything up, and having that ten minute break. And I would return to work a little more refreshed afterward. So for expectant mothers out there, or mothers returning to work, this is the phase to look forward to. I had read about this phase in one of the many returning to work for mothers books I looked at, but I of course didn’t think of it during phase 1, the angry/hating/guilty phase. But as I entered this second phase I remembered the passages I had read that encouraged mothers to view the necessity of taking breaks to pump as blessed breaks from work. I also thought about the fact that I was dedicated to doing something really great for my baby—giving him breast milk even though I had to drag the pump with me to work, and sometimes find odd places to pump if I was at meetings or giving presentations offsite. I think another really cool thing is that I wasn’t shy about it. Everyone at work knew I was doing it. So in this way, I was exposing people to the idea of pumping and being a working mother would continued to feed her baby breastmilk. I had never been exposed to anyone pumping before I had Kalev and I honestly don’t know how many people do it, or if most people just give up when they return to work. But when my secretary told me one day that she thought it was so great that I do this and I kind of shrugged it off, I realized that yes, it is great and it is great that others are getting exposure to this way of parenting. It takes more work, a little bluntness or discomfort by letting others know that you are hooked up to a machine with your shirt up in an office right across from theirs, but the result is that amazing liquid gold that you are able to give your baby.

I must also say that my work environment made this possible for me. Yes, employers in California must allow workers to take pumping breaks and give them facilities to do so that are not bathrooms, but again, I’m not sure how much that actually happens, and I doubt that the environment is always a positive one. My co-workers were extremely supportive of me pumping, offering me their offices when I couldn’t pump in mine because my officemate had clients, moving meetings around my pumping schedule, and making sure there was room in the fridge for those happy little bottles afterwards. Thank you for this support and assistance. It really did mean a lot.

So as I pumped for the last time at work yesterday, I realized that it was indeed the last time I would be pumping at work. Wow! And it actually made me a little sad. Sorry Ms. Pump, I was not sad to be leaving you, but I was a little sad to be leaving what pumping had now come to symbolize for me: my office. I have wanted to leave so badly so I could be with my baby, and I still do and know it’s going to be great, but as I took diplomas and photos off my walls, went through my binders and passed out applicable materials to the other attorneys, and yes, pumped that last time, which gave me plenty of time to look around my now-naked office, seeing the blank walls and sad face of my office mate, I realized I was sad to leave these people and this place who has made me the person I am today. I’ve been at that office for 3.5 years as an attorney, 6 months as an intern while in law school, and for a year or more as a volunteer in another office for the same organization. That’s a lot of time, memories, and people I have become close with. I sent out a thank you to all the staff in the organization, and I got some very sweet and special replies that warmed my heart. And when my secretary almost started crying when I left, I reminded her that this was not goodbye, I was still going to volunteer, and in fact, I was coming back next Friday for my goodbye party! But I myself was a little too close to a public display of tears, far closer than I ever thought I would be!  So I thank all of them for the experience of working with them and with the organization, for the support they gave me as a staff member, and as a working/breastfeeding/pumping mother.

I also thank all my family and friends who have supported me through the challenges of being a working mother. It’s not easy and I know you had to listen to A LOT of complaints. I thank the nanny and the sitters who have watched my beautiful baby while I was at work. I thank the other mothers at my La Leche League group who offered support, advice and suggestions about being a working, nursing, and pumping mother. And I do thank the pump, for letting me work and still be able to nurse my baby when I’m home. And I really really thank my husband, who is on board with me packing up the pump, and my work office, so that I can stay home and be with Kalev full-time. It’s the most special gift.

So now as I zip up that pump bag and put it away, I realize that I don’t have to hate it anymore, and even better, I don’t have to use it anymore :-) Instead, it now symbolizes this new weird chapter in my life—shutting the door on my former job and opening the window to a whole new world of my making. This world of freedom to decide what I want to do, how I want to parent, and how to create the best environment for my baby. I am so excited to take this step! Happy New Year!!!

My Favorite Morning Ritual

I am a showerer. I need to take a shower every morning or I don’t feel awake and ready to face the day. Showering can also be a great time to practice mindfulness. You’re cocooned in your little stall, away from outside distractions. Your mind can focus. You can also work in one of the mindfulness practices that we tried in our childbirth class—closing your eyes and concentrating on what you feel, hear and smell. The hot water pounding against your skin, the smell of soaps and shampoos, hearing the water hit the tub floor. While I was on maternity leave my daily shower became my me time. I took those 15 minutes to feel refreshed, both mentally and physically. I thought about my baby, my family, the day, as well as how good it felt to just be in the water.

Since I went back to work we’ve been taking a family shower in the morning. First we had Kalev sit at the foot of the tub in his super cute little baby tub. Then, when he was able to safely sit on his own, we threw the tub out and he got to sit and crawl and play in the tub as we got ready for our day. When we made this transition, Kalev added his own daily requirement: nursing in the tub after he was washed and before he had to get out and face the dreaded business of getting a diaper put on him. At first I was flustered: I didn’t have time to nurse for 10 minutes in the shower! I had to get out, get everyone dressed, fed, lunches prepared, diapers put together, and out the door to work. But when you parent by letting your child’s needs guide you, it becomes a very freeing experience. I adapted. So I started nursing at the end of every shower. And I started to love and appreciate this very special time I got with my baby. Just as the shower had always been a way to practice mindfulness for me because of its isolation from the outside world and the steam and heat creating a lovely little sauna of peace, nursing in the shower became a mindfulness practice I could enjoy with Kalev. As he curled in my arms and looked up at me through eyelashes spiked with water, I could stare into his eyes and just focus completely on him and how wonderful it was to be with him. Normally when we nurse it’s to satisfy a need—he’s hungry, it’s time to sleep. There can be a pressure there to make sure we get to the finish line of whatever goal it is. But here, in the shower, it’s 10 minutes of just being together. He’s already nursed when we first woke up so it’s not about satisfying hunger, but just about comfort. It also gives me a set, regular time to stop and sit still, something I don’t do a lot. And it’s warm and cozy, something everyone loves. Sometimes Kalev and I talk to each other, but mostly I just look into his beautiful eyes and think about how blessed I am to have this time with him, just me and him in our bubble. In this bubble I’ve noticed his hazel eyes have changed a little bit to a light brown, that his toenails need to be cut, that he’s gotten taller. I also get to laugh as he raises his eyebrows at me—his sign for saying, “Hey, how are you?” And I get to smile as he pats my cheek as he looks directly into my eyes—his sign for saying, “I love you Ima.” These 10-minute bubbles of love have been priceless—I’ve felt present and at peace, my two main goals right now, and I’ve gotten to share this feeling of contentment with my baby.

Monday morning Kalev only nursed for a minute at the end of our shower. He’s followed this pattern for the rest of the week. The first day I was surprised. Now, as it’s been a week, I’m sad. I guess he’s moving on. The 10-minute ritual I thought was annoying at first, I grew to love and look forward to. Now I’m really sad that it might be over. I knew intellectually that the bubble wouldn’t last forever, that this was a special time that would transition at some future date. But emotionally I wasn’t prepared for my baby to already be ready to let it go, when I am not yet ready. So as I think about my favorite morning ritual, I try not to be too sad as I remember the lessons it gave me: take a breath before getting annoyed, what you think might be a frustrating change to routine might hold unexpected treasures, enjoy the opportunity to be mindful in daily tasks, share your feelings of love, peace and contentment with those you love, and cherish the bubbles of love you have because they are over way too quickly. I’ll greatly miss this morning ritual, but I look forward to discovering the next one, and I am so happy to have a guide as wonderful as Kalev.

Martha Stewartstein

I’ve always said I want to be Martha Stewartstein, the Jewish Martha Stewart, without the legal issues and frigidness. What I used to mean by that is that I wanted to be super crafty, have a gorgeous house, entertain in fabulous ways, and make amazing food. So can a mindful parent be a Martha Stewartstein? As I pondered this question this past week, I realized the first thing I needed to do is to rephrase the question: HOW can a mindful parent be a Martha Stewartstein? And maybe I have a bit of an answer …

As with so many things related to mindfulness, what did I really mean by being a Martha Stewartstein? How did I want that to look in my life? I knew, of course, that it would mean balancing some things because I knew enough that I can’t really do it all, just as Elaine commented upon previously with regards to the supermom complex. So what were my priorities and goals that I needed to balance with my old definition of Martha Stewartstein to create a new, more flexible and realistic definition? The first priority, as is almost always the case with me, is food. Martha sure knows how to make good food. And I love food. And I think that I still do a good job of being Martha Stewartstein there. Almost everything we buy is local, organic, good quality food from the Davis Food Co-op (there will be lots of postings that reference our addiction and priority for good quality food). And we cook most of our meals. So I do pretty good there. And since I want my son to be healthy and to grow up with an awareness of where his food comes from and how to cook, I think that qualifies as being mindful as well.

This week actually gave me a few examples of my Martha Stewartstein and food in action. First, as what so often happens in families, after Kalev got sick, I got sick, then Matt got sick this past week. So WWMD (What Would Martha Stewartstein Do)? Why, she would make homemade matzo ball soup from scratch on her only day off from work. So that’s what I did Tuesday. Matt specifically requested a mushroom broth so I made the broth from scratch and boy do I hate cooking with mushrooms. They take forever to clean and I think they smell like dirt when they cook. But ok, broth done. Then I made the soup, then I made the 10 cute matzo balls. And I served my Jewish Penicillin to my sick husband and to my son, who tasted this bit of Jewish culture for the first time. As the photo above indicates, he wasn’t so sure about it when it was in ball form, but once I broke up the ball and he could feed himself the pieces he was pretty happy. So Martha Stewartstein success. And I think it was a Mindful Martha Stewartstein success because I was pretty happy and thinking about what I was doing while I was doing it, despite the dirt smell. I had Kalev on the floor banging on pots and pans with the wooden spoon he loves so much, we were listening to Glee, and I was thinking how happy and excited I was to prepare this meal and serve it to my family. I was patting myself on the back for making it from scratch after we’d come home from gymnastics, and I was excited to introduce Kalev to something I think of as very Jewish. Yay!

So Martha Stewartstein is up one. Last night arrives however and with it a Martha Stewartstein fail. Earlier in the week I had been talking to my mom and telling her how busy my Friday was going to be: work until 3, then having to get Kalev to the doctor’s by 3:30 where he will get all his 12 month shots and since he usually has negative reactions to shots (fever, vomit, swelling and rashes), I was thinking of that event with trepidation, then I had to come home and make dinner for all of us and our friends’ very sweet six year old daughter Nora who we were babysitting for the evening. My mom said that I had to do something easy for dinner that night, no cooking. She suggested getting a frozen pizza. Ugh that is definitely NOT a WWMD! But I thought about it and said ok, I’ll try it, I need to cut back somewhere. BALANCE! So I bought some organic pizza that looked tasty on the box. ICK! Not good at all. So Martha Stewartstein broke even in the food department this week. But I was mad. And very mindful of the fact that this food did not taste good, I did not enjoy the process, and I was going to learn from this mistake. But the experience made me really think about what is important to me in the food department: not only where my food comes from and what it tastes like, but I also like preparing the food as well. I like to cook. So note for next time. This was not a place where I could comfortably cut back.

This Martha Stewartstein fail also made me think of a topic that came up in my La Leche League group that met on Thursday. As we went around during introductions, we also shared a healthy, quick meal that we often make for our families. Now Martha Stewart is not about the quickness in her meals, but me as Martha Stewartstein is! So what a great idea. I shared the daal we make on a regular basis. There were a bunch of great suggestions that were shared and I realized that a Martha Stewartstein would learn from these suggestions. So, my dear friends, what are your favorite, healthy, (ideally vegetarian :-)) quick meals that you serve to your family? How can this Martha Stewartstein learn from you so that she doesn’t make another Friday night fail?

So what about the other aspects of my old definition of Martha Stewartstein? My super craftiness has declined and I do miss it, but it’s been replaced by building jumbo lego towers with Kalev. And I’m ok with that. So my Martha Stewartstein has morphed a bit in that department. And my gorgeous house? Ugh! That has definitely taken on a new definition since I’ve become a parent! My friend Sara once told me she loved how I could live in filth like she does. When I gave her a look she quickly explained it wasn’t filth filth, just that both of our families just didn’t care about maintaining the perfect house. We had toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, and laundry waiting to be folded on the guest bed. Now Martha Stewart would never let her house look like that (she also probably has an army of housekeepers) but I am ok with it and thus my definition of Martha Stewartstein has shifted there as well. When being the type of mindful parent I want to be, I want to prioritize playing with my child over organizing and labeling his toys (for those of you who have known my prior OCD-ness regarding organization and labels, this is huge progress!). And finally, the entertaining. That is one thing I do miss. Matt and I used to love to have tons of friends over for wine, hookah, brunch, potluck dinners, and definitely at all the Jewish holidays. We’ve definitely scaled back and incorporated more playdates instead of massive get togethers, except for those special occasions. And again, I think I’m ok with that. We’ve agreed on a couple occasions that we still want to go all out: Picnic Day and Kalev’s 1^st birthday (total Martha Stewartstein success if I do say so myself). And smaller get togethers for the Jewish holidays. And I think that’s good. It’s fun to do these big events, but boy it’s a lot of work and this Martha Stewartstein has to balance the work with the pleasure of just being with her baby.

So my definition of Martha Stewartstein has shifted, as so many definitions do when you’re a parent. But I am excited that I can still pull the essence of what I like about my Martha Stewartstein and put it into practice while being mindful with my baby and teaching him how to balance the type of home he wants to have with the work it takes and the core of what really makes you happy. There will be lots of opportunities to practice my Mindful Martha Stewartstein as the holidays approach, because we all know the holidays bring more activities, things to do and pressure. I look forward to seeing how I’ll do, hopefully being mindful of the decisions I make and thinking about my actions as I make them. Any suggestions of what you do to stay mindful during this busy time and still maintain the type of household that you define as your Martha Stewartstein?

Countdown to a New Identity: Stay At Home Mom

In 24 days I will be taking my numerous diplomas off my office wall and bringing them home, most likely to sit on the floor of our home office for an indeterminable amount of time. As I take down these indicators of my profession as an attorney at a legal office, I also strip away this identity that I’ve now been used to having for a few years. And the new identity I will assume is very different: that of a 100% stay at home mom. Wow!

Everyone knows I’ve been yapping about staying at home with Kalev for ages. Ever since I got pregnant I realized I wanted to be home with the tiny flutterings inside me that soon turned into the most beautiful baby. I talked and talked and talked about it but didn’t think it could happen. Then I went on maternity leave and spent five blissful months at home with Kalev. It was the happiest time of my life. I didn’t feel stressed for the first time I could remember since junior high! Despite waking up every two hours nightly to nurse, I felt refreshed. Why was this? Scientifically, I was pumping oxytocin like crazy because I nursed all day and night. I wasn’t thinking about work, which typically stresses me out since I always feel like I have so much to do there and never enough time. I wasn’t on a schedule. For the first time in my life this super organized crazy scheduler that used to color code her calendar didn’t even look at her calendar. Or wear a watch. Instead, I watched Kalev. When he was tired, we slept. Yes, WE. I took so many naps I couldn’t believe it. And what amazing, deep, peaceful naps they were as I cuddled my baby in my arms, our rhythmic breathes mingling together as we slept. When we needed to move, we walked the dogs and inhaled the beauty of the nature around us. We visited with friends, we joined La Leche League, I exercised and I showered every single day. It was amazing. And I knew, deep to my core, I needed to stay home with Kalev.

When I went back to work it was hard, as all new mothers will tell you. I soon got caught up in my to-do list, my schedule, my clients, my program. And I left my baby at home with a babysitter. I felt awful. Every time I pumped at my desk I begrudged not nursing my baby and making someone else give him a bottle instead of me being there for him. When he started to realize I was leaving in the mornings and cried as I walked out the door, my 15-minute drive was often marked with tears. The guilt grew. Things got easier, as they always do, because you got used to the routine, but it still was not a routine that I liked. And I still felt guilty and so so sad. And like I was missing out on my one chance to do this with Kalev. Soon, so soon, he’ll be grown, in kindergarten or even going to USC (yes, watching Beth go through this change this year really brought the perspective home for us). So Matt and I started talking. Seriously talking. How can we make this happen? We both wanted it, and it felt so amazing to know I have such a supportive husband. Ya, it took some convincing, but there was one day when he looked me in the eyes over Kalev’s blond little head bent over sorting our flip flops into baskets and said “You need to stay home.” So we made it happen. We downsized (more on that in a different post some day) and we planned. Sometime it was going to happen. We weren’t sure when, but sometime soon.

And then it just came together. Kalev got sick for the first time around 11 months. It was awful. I panicked. I was the opposite of my goal of mindful, patient, at peace mama. I cried when he cried. I was up all night nursing him as his body radiated a heat I could never imagine. It sucked. And in the middle of the night Matt and I looked at each other and said “Ok, it’s time. Time to stay home.” So when I returned to work, I went to tell my friend, my boss. And I was terrified. I shook all day but knew I just had to do it, because then it would be out there and we couldn’t go back (like this blog!). When it was five minutes before we normally left and I entered her office with my eyes big with fright and my body shaking, I tried to think of how to tell her. Well I didn’t have to. She guessed. (After she guessed I was pregnant and she was wrong :-)) As I sat on the chair deflating and telling her how happy I was that she didn’t hate me, she said that she knew this is what I wanted and she wanted me to be happy (and that she’d miss me too). And it is what I want. So incredibly badly. So why, now that there are 24 days left, am I suddenly freaking out?

As I’ve been trying to identify these feelings, I think I realize one of the big culprits. Yes, I don’t like change and this is big big big change, but I think more of this is my unexpected concern over my new identity. Before having Kalev I never thought of being a stay at home mom. I was always on the professional track. And now when people ask what I’m going to do I answer “Just stay at home.” I really hate that “just.” There is so much more to being a stay at home mom than “just” staying at home. I’ve taken classes and read books about it. It’s not only a full time job, it’s an amazing experience for yourself and your child. A priceless experience that no babysitter could ever duplicate and one with a very set expiration date since babies grow up. I know this. So why the qualifier? Why do I then often go on to tell people that I’ll probably look for contract work. Because even if that’s true, partly for financial reasons and partly because I actually realized I like estate planning, it’s not why I am leaving my job and it’s not what I plan to do when I’m home. I plan to recreate my maternity leave bliss. And I can’t wait. So why the lengthy explanations to people? Why don’t I feel that me staying home and raising my son myself is a good enough reason?

Part of it is because of the looks I see in many people’s eyes and the qualifiers they use when they seem surprised that I’m choosing to stay home. It makes me feel defensive. And that I have to explain why this is a good reason. Although isn’t my happiness and my child’s happiness enough?

Do other stay at home moms feel this way? That you have to defend your decision as an acceptable one? That it’s justified? That we don’t sit around drinking coffee and watching Kim Kardashian all day? How do you respond when people say you’re “just” a stay at home mom (or dad)? I want to embrace this new identity, but I hate that there’s this part of me that’s scared about it and feels like I have to defend it. This is a priceless gift I am giving myself and my baby. How do you convey this to other people? Or do you not try?

Jumping On The Blog Bandwagon: My Grateful Journal

My Dad asked me if I started this blog because we all watched “Julie & Julia” years ago. The answer’s no, but it did make me think of the movie and the goal of Julie to bring some focus into her life. I remember thinking then that that isn’t a bad idea at all.

I’ve been toying with the idea of a blog for awhile, but I was scared to actually start it. So like a few other decisions I’ve made recently, I just did it because then it’s done and I’ll live with the consequences. The thoughts that have been swirling in my head these past few months that finally channeled into creating the blog are the following:

1.     My Grateful Journal: My dear friend Beth keeps a grateful journal. She told me about this journal years ago. Every night she writes down things she is grateful for. I am of course happy to have been included a time or two :-). When things had been rough in the past, she suggested that I start a grateful journal. Both Matt and I tried it. Well actually, I think his never made it to paper. But mine did. For about 3 days. Sigh. When I realized that it just wasn’t working for me to write down my list, I told Matt we’d just say our grateful list out loud before bed each night. That lasted a lot longer. Maybe three weeks. Another sigh. So when I told Matt I started this blog, he said, “Oh, this is your new grateful journal!” Huh, I had not thought of it that way. But it totally is. Not only do I want to use this blog to focus and form a more formalized practice of mindfulness, but I also want it to help me be present and at peace and for me, being at peace is often thinking of my blessings in life. So this blog will chronicle those blessings and hence, be my grateful journal. I feel no pressure to list these blessings every day, but I already know that by just pressing submit on blogspot and creating this blog, I forced myself to “just do it” and start formally thinking about all these things. And what great things they are. A grateful journal really is a wonderful idea. When things are feeling overwhelming, and for many of our friends in this economy that is the common feeling right now, it helps to remember what good things you have in your life. And I’ve found that it’s easier to remember things when they are written down. This is a gift and a practice I would like to pass along to my child(ren). Always remember your blessings! So thank you Beth for the original idea and thank you Matt for framing this blog in that way. I like this focus!

2.     A Community of Ideas: I had never followed blogs until I got pregnant. But suddenly there was a lot of information I wanted to know and it wasn’t all in the books I was reading (and trust me, I read A LOT of books while I was pregnant). So I started googling. A lot. And a lot of the google responses were from blogs that other parents and parents-to-be had posted on with similar questions. Huh. Cool, I’m not alone wondering and worrying about this symptom or that decision. After I had Kalev, I have used blogs even more. I’ve looked up suggestions for sleeping, for wall heater protections, for teething. I also started actually following blogs for the first time. Ok, not that many. Just three: Grace In the Ordinary, Jazzy Mama, and the Vanilla Sugar Blog. Grace In The Ordinary is written by my already-often-mentioned friend Beth. It is amazing. Beth looks at ordinary occurrences in her life and sees the grace in them. What a beautiful practice in mindfulness! Jazzy Mama is about parenting in the “granola” sense that I’ve come to embrace but since I did not grow up in that parenting style, nor have much exposure to it, it’s a constant learning process for me and it helps to hear from other like-minded parents. And Vanilla Sugar is about food. My other passion. Yum. Anyways, my reading other people’s blogs has helped me be a better parent, given me new ideas, and has helped me to focus on the grace I can find in a baby playing with pots and pans, a flower in a garden, or a new puppy that has so much to teach. I love the feeling of exchanging ideas with a greater community and I am happy to now be part of the exchange of information. 

3.     Creative Outlet: I have been complaining for years about my lack of creative outlet since I started on the law path. With three years of law school and three plus years of legal practice, I feel like all I do is think and breathe about who has liability for this action and how would you fight that wrong. And often they are in big, annoying legal words. And this from the person who thought she’d never actually practice law! Bleh. I’ve been craving creativity. So perhaps now I’ve found it. A way to focus my thoughts that has absolutely nothing to do with the law. I love it!

4.     Opening the Dialogue: When you’re a mindful parent, you often don’t have time to talk on the phone to your friends. My friend Sara and I used to talk about this all the time. We could talk about it because we shared an office at work. It was never on the phone. Now that she’s in Oregon, we have to make do with the occasional email or Facebook message. It’s just really hard to try to have a conversation with someone on the phone when you are watching your baby sort toys into different baskets or crawl into your lap wanting your attention. I don’t want to talk on the phone. I want to be with my baby. And there’s absolutely no way that there’s time to individually call every friend that I want to stay in touch with. That’s why I love Facebook. So easy to log on with my iphone while I’m nursing Kalev to sleep. I can quickly see what’s going on in everyone’s life and send little messages or comments so they know I’m thinking about them. And it can be any time of the day or night, not just during proper calling hours. So in addition to focusing all these thoughts running throughout my brain, this blog can help me dialogue with my friends and other parents because I’m not going to call you. Unless it’s while I am driving to or from work on my Bluetooth :-)

So Dad, there are your reasons. And the dialogue is open. I’m excited to share my thoughts regarding my practice of mindfulness and also hear from all of you about how you practice mindfulness and/or parenting. We have so much to learn from each other and it’s great to be part of the parenting club—what a great community we are!

Mindful Parenting: An Adventure in Being Present & Finding Peace

To prepare for the birth of our child, my husband and I enrolled in a Mindfulness-Based Childbirth Class. I had actually heard about it at a forum I attended for work. The key words that triggered my interest were “baby” and “reduce stress.” As anyone who knows me knows, I am one stressed out person. So I thought it would be a good class to teach me to reduce my stress and therefore be a better parent. It of course taught me way way way more than that, but its message was a whole lot more than that as well. It was all about being mindful during each second, each experience, each day, throughout your pregnancy, during your labor, and as parents. I kept associating mindfulness with being at peace—being less stressed. And for me, I think that is still a good goal. But the goal of the program, or at least the definition of mindfulness that I now understand relating to this class, is to be present at each of these moments and experiences, and to acknowledge them. Acknowledge your feelings, acknowledge that you are or are not being mindful. Well that’s actually a whole lot easier than always being at peace and stress free! I kinda like that definition (and thank you Savanna, for always reminding me when I freak out and say I’m not being mindful about something, that that acknowledgment is indeed being mindful!). But because I do tend towards pessimism and being a cranky pants, and because my main mommy idol Beth is someone who always looks towards the good in situations, my goal is to not only be present as a person and parent, but to try to look for the positive as well. My new mantra I picked up in the last few weeks that I’ve been chanting in my head, and sometimes out loud, as the baby cries in the middle of the night, as I realize how many things I have to do at work, as I have to find a back-up sitter, is “peace and patience.” That’s what I’m working towards. So the definition of mindfulness I will be working on in life, and in this blog, is being present, acknowledging my feelings (good or bad), but striving to think positive, to be at peace, to feel patient, and to remember how truly blessed we are. Hmmm kind of a big goal for 6:33 in the morning when I have a sore throat and my child hasn’t slept well in a week because he had a fever, then a nasty rash as a result of Gianotti-Crosti Syndrome (apparently a disease that a lot of Italian kids get according to google—random!), and Matt has to leave in 15 minutes to take our car to the shop to get the transmission fixed, and so on and so on …. Yes, I’m mindful that I’m really really tired, but as Kalev crawls over to me with a huge smile on his face I’m reminded again of the blessings of being a parent. So ok, time to start this day with a smile. And a cup of tea to soothe my throat :-)