Martha Stewartstein

I’ve always said I want to be Martha Stewartstein, the Jewish Martha Stewart, without the legal issues and frigidness. What I used to mean by that is that I wanted to be super crafty, have a gorgeous house, entertain in fabulous ways, and make amazing food. So can a mindful parent be a Martha Stewartstein? As I pondered this question this past week, I realized the first thing I needed to do is to rephrase the question: HOW can a mindful parent be a Martha Stewartstein? And maybe I have a bit of an answer …

As with so many things related to mindfulness, what did I really mean by being a Martha Stewartstein? How did I want that to look in my life? I knew, of course, that it would mean balancing some things because I knew enough that I can’t really do it all, just as Elaine commented upon previously with regards to the supermom complex. So what were my priorities and goals that I needed to balance with my old definition of Martha Stewartstein to create a new, more flexible and realistic definition? The first priority, as is almost always the case with me, is food. Martha sure knows how to make good food. And I love food. And I think that I still do a good job of being Martha Stewartstein there. Almost everything we buy is local, organic, good quality food from the Davis Food Co-op (there will be lots of postings that reference our addiction and priority for good quality food). And we cook most of our meals. So I do pretty good there. And since I want my son to be healthy and to grow up with an awareness of where his food comes from and how to cook, I think that qualifies as being mindful as well.

This week actually gave me a few examples of my Martha Stewartstein and food in action. First, as what so often happens in families, after Kalev got sick, I got sick, then Matt got sick this past week. So WWMD (What Would Martha Stewartstein Do)? Why, she would make homemade matzo ball soup from scratch on her only day off from work. So that’s what I did Tuesday. Matt specifically requested a mushroom broth so I made the broth from scratch and boy do I hate cooking with mushrooms. They take forever to clean and I think they smell like dirt when they cook. But ok, broth done. Then I made the soup, then I made the 10 cute matzo balls. And I served my Jewish Penicillin to my sick husband and to my son, who tasted this bit of Jewish culture for the first time. As the photo above indicates, he wasn’t so sure about it when it was in ball form, but once I broke up the ball and he could feed himself the pieces he was pretty happy. So Martha Stewartstein success. And I think it was a Mindful Martha Stewartstein success because I was pretty happy and thinking about what I was doing while I was doing it, despite the dirt smell. I had Kalev on the floor banging on pots and pans with the wooden spoon he loves so much, we were listening to Glee, and I was thinking how happy and excited I was to prepare this meal and serve it to my family. I was patting myself on the back for making it from scratch after we’d come home from gymnastics, and I was excited to introduce Kalev to something I think of as very Jewish. Yay!

So Martha Stewartstein is up one. Last night arrives however and with it a Martha Stewartstein fail. Earlier in the week I had been talking to my mom and telling her how busy my Friday was going to be: work until 3, then having to get Kalev to the doctor’s by 3:30 where he will get all his 12 month shots and since he usually has negative reactions to shots (fever, vomit, swelling and rashes), I was thinking of that event with trepidation, then I had to come home and make dinner for all of us and our friends’ very sweet six year old daughter Nora who we were babysitting for the evening. My mom said that I had to do something easy for dinner that night, no cooking. She suggested getting a frozen pizza. Ugh that is definitely NOT a WWMD! But I thought about it and said ok, I’ll try it, I need to cut back somewhere. BALANCE! So I bought some organic pizza that looked tasty on the box. ICK! Not good at all. So Martha Stewartstein broke even in the food department this week. But I was mad. And very mindful of the fact that this food did not taste good, I did not enjoy the process, and I was going to learn from this mistake. But the experience made me really think about what is important to me in the food department: not only where my food comes from and what it tastes like, but I also like preparing the food as well. I like to cook. So note for next time. This was not a place where I could comfortably cut back.

This Martha Stewartstein fail also made me think of a topic that came up in my La Leche League group that met on Thursday. As we went around during introductions, we also shared a healthy, quick meal that we often make for our families. Now Martha Stewart is not about the quickness in her meals, but me as Martha Stewartstein is! So what a great idea. I shared the daal we make on a regular basis. There were a bunch of great suggestions that were shared and I realized that a Martha Stewartstein would learn from these suggestions. So, my dear friends, what are your favorite, healthy, (ideally vegetarian :-)) quick meals that you serve to your family? How can this Martha Stewartstein learn from you so that she doesn’t make another Friday night fail?

So what about the other aspects of my old definition of Martha Stewartstein? My super craftiness has declined and I do miss it, but it’s been replaced by building jumbo lego towers with Kalev. And I’m ok with that. So my Martha Stewartstein has morphed a bit in that department. And my gorgeous house? Ugh! That has definitely taken on a new definition since I’ve become a parent! My friend Sara once told me she loved how I could live in filth like she does. When I gave her a look she quickly explained it wasn’t filth filth, just that both of our families just didn’t care about maintaining the perfect house. We had toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, and laundry waiting to be folded on the guest bed. Now Martha Stewart would never let her house look like that (she also probably has an army of housekeepers) but I am ok with it and thus my definition of Martha Stewartstein has shifted there as well. When being the type of mindful parent I want to be, I want to prioritize playing with my child over organizing and labeling his toys (for those of you who have known my prior OCD-ness regarding organization and labels, this is huge progress!). And finally, the entertaining. That is one thing I do miss. Matt and I used to love to have tons of friends over for wine, hookah, brunch, potluck dinners, and definitely at all the Jewish holidays. We’ve definitely scaled back and incorporated more playdates instead of massive get togethers, except for those special occasions. And again, I think I’m ok with that. We’ve agreed on a couple occasions that we still want to go all out: Picnic Day and Kalev’s 1^st birthday (total Martha Stewartstein success if I do say so myself). And smaller get togethers for the Jewish holidays. And I think that’s good. It’s fun to do these big events, but boy it’s a lot of work and this Martha Stewartstein has to balance the work with the pleasure of just being with her baby.

So my definition of Martha Stewartstein has shifted, as so many definitions do when you’re a parent. But I am excited that I can still pull the essence of what I like about my Martha Stewartstein and put it into practice while being mindful with my baby and teaching him how to balance the type of home he wants to have with the work it takes and the core of what really makes you happy. There will be lots of opportunities to practice my Mindful Martha Stewartstein as the holidays approach, because we all know the holidays bring more activities, things to do and pressure. I look forward to seeing how I’ll do, hopefully being mindful of the decisions I make and thinking about my actions as I make them. Any suggestions of what you do to stay mindful during this busy time and still maintain the type of household that you define as your Martha Stewartstein?