I feel like I haven't truly focused on my kids, on the interactions and
the play instead of just the are-you-clothed-and-fed stuff, for months. Maybe since January. When the
whole house hunt business started. That is insane. It makes me feel sick. And
so sad. Months wasted as my brain couldn't focus but kept wandering. To to-do
lists, to house dreams, to priorities, to wondering what-ifs, whens, hows. My
brain just wouldn't stop. It constantly wandered. I'd look down and have a toy
in my hand and see my son animatedly playing but I'd realize I didn't even know
if we were playing construction site or Paw Patrol. He'd have to remind me when
I asked. The unconditional love of a three year old for his mother allowed him
to give me the answer and still want to play with me. And I didn't think much
of it until yesterday when I think I finally started focusing again.
The house is moved. Most of the boxes are unpacked. I don't know if
I've given up on the others or am in denial or am just okay with finally taking
a break. The dishwasher has been ordered, the glass man came and that order
submitted. The end of the year teachers’ gifts are mostly done. My board report
is finished. So my to-do list finally shrank. The first few weeks of May saw
all these different parts of my life crashing together, demanding my attention
in more ways than they had the rest of the year. So that crest has passed. My
brain is therefore naturally not as full. And so I can focus once again.
And when I focus I can see the light in my kids' eyes as they
recognize a truly engaged parent. It's different. They can tell. They can tell
when my mind is wandering and that while my hands might make the toy car move
across the couch my head just isn't there. And what does that say about my
heart? And what I'm teaching my children about the most important thing in the
world--the people you love? That it's ok to only pay them a fragment of your
attention because you have a lot on your mind?
A month or so ago a bunch of people on Facebook linked to articles
discussing having cell phone free time. To put down the electronics and engage
with your kids. I totally support that idea (and am definitely guilty of
texting and checking email wayyyyy too often on my phone) but what if the
distraction isn't (just) the cell phone? It's all those things bouncing around
in your head? How do you quiet those thoughts and tuck them away to a later
time, a time when the eyes of your child aren't looking up at you with
excitement, expectation and glee? I know these times are fleeting. That soon
enough Kalev won't want to hold my hand just because. That he won't turn to me
as his playmate. That the time we can sit on the floor together and build
garages will soon be a memory. So how can I focus better on these times that I
have now? To truly play with my children instead of just going through the
motions while my mind is elsewhere?
If you haven't discovered Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting I
highly suggest her. Great stuff there. Lots of thoughts and suggestions for
incorporating play (and its importance) in you and your children's lives. So I
have that resource. Matt and I try to use it. And I think it does help. But it
still doesn't get to that core issue that I realize I have--how to turn off my
mental wanderings and focus on the
play. Would love thoughts, suggestions and what has worked for you. Because the
change I've seen in my kids today and yesterday, that special laughter that I
now realize is their complete happiness that their number one person in the
world (yes, so very thankful that's still me for a few more years) is focusing
on them and what is fun for them and makes them happy, is priceless. I need to
see it more.
