My baby girl is a little over 6 months old and this morning
was the first time I consciously not only was mindful but remembered that
feeling of mindfulness, its beauty and its peace, and most of all, its
preciousness. Sure I’ve been mindful in the past 6 months, and before that
since whenever my last post was (which I just realized as I post this entry was an entire YEAR ago--yikes!). But I think these mindful moments have been
few and far between, and if they entered my mind, the thoughts soon drifted
away like so many other things do unless I write them down. We’ve been pretty
much doing the survival thing instead of focusing on the beauty of being present
these past 6 months … new baby, houseguests, terrible threes tantrums, lack of
sleep by everyone in the house, separation issues, househunting (and buying!!)
… the list can go on and on. But today I was given such a gift, the rare opportunity
for my baby girl and I to be alone together and to nap together. Matt worked in
Kalev’s school and Aviella and I had an hour to lay together in bed. Sadly, I
didn’t manage to sleep (too much on this always active mind), but I am glad
that one of the many thoughts was the highlighting of this wonderful, special
and fleeting moment. This moment of mindfulness didn’t erupt in bright shiny
lights, but instead reached out and surrounded me with its soft warmth. My
beautiful baby girl, the warmth of her body permeating my skin, our bellies
pressed together so that each breath pushed her adorable rounded tummy closer
to mine, our hearts beating next to each other, her delicious milky breath against
my nose, and those beautiful, absolutely perfect fingers moving from my breast
to my face, where I could softly kiss them without waking her up. I think there
is almost nothing better than holding your sleeping child. And that miracle,
that blessing, and that absolutely perfect beauty of this opportunity touched
me in that moment. I focused on our joint breathing, the feeling of our bodies
against each other, the wonderful singular smell of baby, and the craziness of
the past six months melted away as I allowed myself to not only concentrate on
all these feelings, but to hold them in my mind and heart long enough to write
about them and to hopefully remember them in the minutes, days, hours and weeks
of busy living to come. To many more beautiful moments of living in the present ...
